Thursday, February 6, 2014

This is Not Your Father's Monte Carlo (Or Caballero)

1978 Lincoln continental Mark V Diamond Jubilee
Extinct for a reason
A million years ago, dinosaurs pooped on the ark and upper middle management types drove statement cars, the automotive equivalent of preening peacock feathers and Liberace fur coats.
Look at me! My disposable income is plentiful! My taste is impeccable!  This car shows all of that!
Usually, that statment was reflected in an American personal luxury coupe.  "Luxury" meant wacky conveniences like power windows and a tilt wheel, and maybe, an FM stereo. At the top, it meant padded vinyl roof and opera windows, power leather seats and long hoods.

"Personal" meant a couple of things. First, "personal" and "coupe" were almost redundant.  You and the girl of the day fit fine.  There was technically a back seat, to occasionally bring along some friends you didn't like all that much shoved into the back.

Anyway, depending on your dollars and caste, and love or hate of disco, this meant a Thunderbird/Monte Carlo/Cordoba for the shift manager, Maybe a Riviera/Toronado if you ran the store, or, if you were the king of Snootville, a Mark (above) or Eldorado. The higher up the food chain you went, the more gaudy and overwrought the style and colors.  Plus, sheer mass, because gratuitously long and heavy car is how she likes it one, uh, demonstrates one's virility vitality. Yeah, that's it. Especially the big outside/cramped and useless inside model favored for so long.

No more.
  • Two door coupes are all but dead. 
  • Gas is spendy. There needs to be a reason for burning it and those dollars, besides Hey look at me! I'm a Koch brother.
  • Overwraught styling and useless back seats/trunks are the province of the hyper rich.

Still, there are people, like the entire town of Ahwatukee AZ that need to arrive in style, but also need to ferry the family around, and survive the trip to Home Depot.  Plus, they want to escape the stigma of overutilitarian minivans, and mindlessly trendy and useless Hummer H2s and such.

Click here to see what fills all those needs.  It's the 2014 GMC Sierra Denali.

  • Styling gravitas, yet with restraint, compared to a King Ranch.
  • every imaginable comfort and convenience and safety feature.
  • carries people and cargo at the same time.
  • not fazed by curbs or Polar Vortex weather.
What else could you want?

1 comment:

  1. I miss these cars. Big two doors with long hoods and short rear ends. The back seats were really just for looks as there was very little leg room. For the those who could afford it you had the Eldorado-Toronado-Riveria-Mark-T-Bird, all "tier 1" cars. If you couldn't afford to buy into the first tier, there was the second tier: Cutlass-Grand Prix-Regal-Cordoba-Cougar-T-bird which had dropped out of tier 1 in '77. A level slightly below those, was Monte Carlo-Grand Am-Chevelle-LTD II-Monaco-Fury. With power windows & leather interior, all of those models moved up into tier 2. While cars today are more much more reliable, for the most part they lack character and individuality.

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