Saturday, March 2, 2013

Just when you thought it was safe

to go back in the parking lot after some asshole
Ferrari F430
tried to crush your toes instead of steering his Penis Compensator Ferrari.

Ordinarily at this thing, there's a sort of understanding.  There are featured spots, perpendicular to a travel lane.  People gather there to see the featured cars.  Other cars, like this Ferrari 430, park in the traffic lane, so there is room for one car or barely two to move through...
Sometimes too, people park by the featured cars, making the travel lane one car only, at least at this pinch point.

Then add people.  That sort of understanding i referenced is pretty simple:  car wants in, so its driver waits for people to get out of the way.  Pretty simple.  Not Mr. red Ferrari.  His method was to assume that no one would miss him coming (or just breathing hard) and would move by the time he got there.  If your plans changed, like, if some photographer wanted a spontaneous shot, well he had just get the fuck out of the way before the 430 rolled past like a princess or say good bye to his toes.

Luckily, I learned never to trust pretentious twits.  Or cars in parking lots whose drivers are not paying attention to anything except their own fabulousness. Sometimes, that's not enough

Below, the fin has breached the surface.  No, look at the blurry Cayenne, upper right...
Cue the Jaws Music...
Porsche Cayenne
There's no groceries or soccer here, tyvm
This lady proved the adage that watching idiot drivers in parking lots is not enough to protect you. She shoved her SUV through the crowd. She missed scraping the 599 (2nd photo, above) only because her mirror was higher than its mirror. She got closer to me. I was standing. I had position. SHE ran into ME. She nailed me in the bicep with her mirror because she could not be bothered to either pay fucking attention or wait two seconds for me to step out of the way.
Porsche Cayenne
What's that spot on your mirror?
Charging foul on SUV. Two shots. Yes, I folded that stupid mirror in with my arm. It thunked. I yelled something about her observational failings. I kept walking. She was shocked. She stopped and got out and was like "WTF? that guy bent my Volkswagen Touareg Porsche." I was like "Come at me, bitch. Fuck you. You hit me. Plus, I am the pedestrian." Evidently, someone told her it just pops back.  Maybe they told her that idiot drivers like her are why mirrors now have to do exactly that, for that reason.  Powerfold mirrors are not just to keep the masses from touching your car at the mall - they keep me from broken arms, when drivers just can't be bothered to look out, or wait for the path to clear.
Porsche Cayenne
That clean spot on your mirror is from me, you stupid ignorant bitch
If you had only hung up the phone....

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