Friday, June 29, 2012

Fredo Wang: Lowrider

When you're out of Natty Light and Night Train, no ordinary grocery getter will get you to the liquor grocery store in the style to which you are accustomed, unless you roll up in this:  1977 Dodge Aspen "Special Edition."  We know it's special:

  • 1/2 yellow, 1/2 red to confuse eyewitnesses fit your usual two moods: drunk and other.

  • All the cool kids roll in those rims.  They're orphans massively popular.

  • plenty of room for you and the hoodrats, without the trouble and expense of hourly hotel bills.
Dodge Aspen "Special Edition" lowrider
If you squint, it might be a Nova

Dodge Aspen "Special Edition" lowrider
All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight...

Dodge Aspen "Special Edition" lowrider
"Special Edition" or "New Formula"?

"Special Edition"?  I am reminded of this.


Where I saw one: down on the street, instead of  On the intertubes

Nostalgia factor: 3/10 – Ahh, memories – mostly not mine.

Baseline: 0, since I never personally owned one. +1 because mom had one, +1 because that one was a crazy moonwagon instead of an ordinary hatchback, -1 because it didn’t have a radio – stupid Honda made you choose from dealer installed extra cost radios and mom simply wouldn't fork over an extra dime, +1 because I stole borrowed it to visit Madonna while mom was away, +1 because it led to a Wixom sexathon, +1 because for 20 years, including my entire marriage, banging her was the best sex ever, -1 because it did not actually occur in this car, +1 because I wasn't driving it when we went to Jonathan B. Pub for drinks, -1 for getting in my way when my bike fell over,-1 for denting like a little bitch, -1 for Cracker inheriting it and beating the shit out of it, +1 because there was this night in 1983 when I went to Jody #2‘s place for late Friday Night Videos and almost sex, and a brand new ’84 was in the driveway next to hers. I was freaked, because they were all like weird looking and shit, compared to Escorts and Colts and shitpiles like that, +1 because it could hum along at 80 with no drama, unlike the ’78 Camaro in Car and Driver (which overheated at that speed) or Ribble’s Subaru (which had a seizure due to lack of oil and died on I-94).

[caption id="attachment_20489" align="alignnone" width="640"]1985 Honda Civic wagon Ideal for playing spaceship, night or day[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_20487" align="alignnone" width="640"]1985 Honda Civic wagon What kind of crazy ass car is that?[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_20488" align="alignnone" width="640"]1985 Honda Civic wagon Powered by a sewing machine motor[/caption]


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Supersize me

Honda CB550
Somehow familiar
Well, it's not that large, in the world of Captain Insano bikes, but it is about 60% larger than this.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Mirror, Mirror

Riddle me this

In Phoenix, we have car pool lanes. During commuter hours, you need two passengers or risk a $350 fine. We do this to save gas when we save rides.

Exhibit A - Scion

[caption id="attachment_4868" align="alignnone" width="640"]2008 Scion xB  32 mpg at 65 mph[/caption]

Exhibit B - an asshole in an '06 Mustang

[caption id="attachment_4323" align="alignnone" width="640"]A 32 mpg at 65, 22 @ 100[/caption]

Exhibit C - Mr. President

[caption id="attachment_20440" align="alignnone" width="640"]Lincoln Continental car pool 9 mpg at 30; 9@ 65[/caption]

So, what do we have:

A - 32 person (1) miles per gallon - car pool violation

B - 28 person (1) miles per gallon - car pool violation
44 person (2) miles per gallon - felony speed but knock yourself out on the car pool, kids

C - 18 person (2) miles per gallon - knock yourself out on the car pool, kids

So exactly how are we saving gas worthy of a car pool in a '78 Lincoln?
Karma:  You asshole.  You are the worst person ever, driving a Lincoln in the car pool lane when you coulda bought a Prius.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Why Yes, They're Real

Last November, Lurlene and I did the SEMA show, and saw this little tart at the Scion stand.

[caption id="attachment_20422" align="alignnone" width="640"]Scion FR-S This is not your father's iQ[/caption]

At the timer, the blogs were abuzz with talk of a Toyota/Subaru joint sports car. This was our clear-as-day sign that the Toyota version was being run through Scion.

Seven months and a few cosmetic tweaks later, voila.  I'm a little bit confused though - Scion is now equivalent to Toyota? ("the Toyota racing vehicle takes the next step") I thought they were supposed to be like distant relatives.   It's not wrong to invoke the AE86 that everybody and their dog seems to love. Ditto the 2000 GT (Bond-san). I'm just confused by the marketing.  Is Scion separate brand or is it not?  I understand when AZ can't figure it out and thinks I drive a "Toyota Scion xB van" - I assumed Toyota would knw what it wants to do.
The All new Scion FR-S
Brought to you by the all new Scion FR-S.  I do like the looks and the curves.  It's not weird for weirdness' sake (apart from the goofy color names).  Still, I would just call it "Toyota Celica" and declare victory. Keep the weight down and it's still no mustang but watch out Hyundai Genesis coupe.

Scion FR-S