Monday, January 9, 2012

28 Years Later

Actually 32, but who's counting?  Anyway, This is the Lincoln Continental Mark VI. I loved these cars when they came out.  yes, they were stubby in all the bad ways, compared to the "long hood = long penis" message the Mark V sent.  One of the coolest features, according to the brochure, was the "auxiliary lamps."  These were glorified fog lights embedded in the covers for the real headlights.
Lincoln Continental Mark VI
Gonna Light up the night?
Yes, that's right:  hide the ugliness of headlights behind retractable covers, then embellish the covers with fake lights.
yo dawg

Henry Ford II, this was more genius than pretending that the Escort hatchbacks had 6 inch trunks.

However, they were too controversial.   Sansabelt and white-shoed dealers wouldn't stock Marks with the Black Swan (not the foofy restaurant) look.
Don't you want to drive ME to the club?

The disco refugees and repressed homosexuals style setting, haute coture cognoscenti of "southwestern lower Michigan" could not process the crazy eyed look.  Big Gay Al yes; Raisins waitress no.
1980 Lincoln Continental Mark VI
What "luxury" cliche is it missing? (Besides a spokesmodel and curb feelers)


This idea was so out there, not even the Black folks would drive these in town. (Not that anyone darker than a Lake Michigan summer tan would ever get talked to at a Kalamazoo car dealership unless they were the last and only customer.) I never thought they actually made it off the assembly line this way, until I saw one for sale on eBay Lincoln: Mark Series | eBay.  Can't afford it; can't look away.

Nicely done, Deuce. With this crowning touch of design lunacy, there is no fucking way anyone will ever know that underneath, this is just a tarted up Marquis with the full french hooker treatment.

2 comments:

  1. Pixar got it wrong. This is proof.

    It's like the Captain Jack Sparrow of cars: Eyes always open

    ReplyDelete
  2. [...] Fills in admirably when your Marquis eats a Buick Century and needs its eyelids removed. [...]

    ReplyDelete