Thursday, September 29, 2011

Toyota is that Ugly Kid that Sprouted into a Hot Piece

And I’m being serious here. If any of you have ever looked at an old Toyota Hiace (Toyota "Van" in the US) from the 80’s and 90’s,  in all its angular and absolutely diabolically ugly glory, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
Toyota Van
They should have called it the Chariot, like on Lost in Space.  Then shot it into a black hole.
(Image via

First of all, can anyone explain to me how that aesthetic disaster made it past the first stage of development? Anyone? No? Didn’t think so. The Hiace looks like something I’d scribble onto a napkin at Wendy’s as a joke for my buddies to laugh at, but apparently one of the brilliant engineers thought this vehicle was comparable to the artistic prowess of the Mona Lisa or the statue of David.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Caption this

  • Sunday morning
  • Old Jewish guy
  • gas station
  • brown/Bondo LTD II "coupe" - all of the visual clues of a Cordoba or Monte Carlo, with none of the style

Take your best shot.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Imperial star destroyer

[caption id="attachment_15577" align="alignnone" width="500"] The big Corellian ship of legend[/caption]

If Darth Vader sold real estate with Uncle Bob instead of slapping swords with Ben K. of Tatooine.

Name this car

[caption id="attachment_15574" align="alignnone" width="499" caption="Hmmm"][/caption]

It's exotic and rare. I can tell you that much.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Fake Boobs

Ford Mustang

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At first blush, this obviously has to be a Shelby GT500 KR, an $80,000 post-title modified GT500 that mostly involves adding way the hell too much power to the already overendowed  GT500.
But soimething seems off. Let's just do a doubletake, shall we?
Shelby GT500 KR
This is a real one.  What's different?
  1. Stripes
  2. Slight difference in hood scoop?
  3. Hood pins
  4. "S H E L B Y" on the hood
  5. Bigger holes in upper grill (vs standard Mustang pattern)
  6. Offset Shelby logo on grill (vs cetered Mustang)
  7. Brake cooling ducts in lower grill
  8. No fake side scoops
So?  Shenanigans

Name that car

Monday, September 5, 2011

Uncle Bob: Real Estate Mogul

If you want to sell a lot of real estate, you need a car that says "a lot of  real estate" inside and out.  A car that says everything about me smells of Hai Karate, gold chains, coke and buxom hookers (and that's just for breakfast).  Or in Bob's case, an exotic Russian trophy wife and a riverfront Detroit penthouse.

[caption id="attachment_15363" align="alignnone" width="640"]1972 Cadillac Coupe de Ville All the modern luxuries[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_15366" align="alignnone" width="640"]1972 Cadillac Coupe de Ville an ass that launched a thousand...[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_15367" align="alignnone" width="640"]1972 Cadillac Coupe de Ville WTF is up with that shifter?[/caption]

Just another day at the mall

Speed thrills.
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Name this car

Year, make and model. I already know it's white.
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Thursday, September 1, 2011

I know why the caged bird sings

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="640"]Checker Marathon Zoo style[/caption]

Drive By Shootings

What to drive when you live in a roach motel crappy apartment and have a fondness for Jim Beam that sometimes gets away from you. (Ed.:  That would explain the cage?) What happened to the paint?  Ask the Kraft American cheese slices.

Moral of the story:  Whiskey is for riding in the back seat of the cab and getting freaky. Otherwise, your car won't be the only one on lockdown.

Also, Kraft slices are like molecular acid on your soul. And your gut.  And your car.