Monday, February 21, 2011

Acid Flashback Thursday: "You drive like shit"

So say Melanie V. and Chuck Riker

[caption id="attachment_9682" align="alignnone" width="640"]1978 Ford Fairmont 8 mph in a school parking lot is your peak[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_9683" align="alignnone" width="640"]1978 Ford Fairmont It would be worse with a stick - for all of us[/caption]

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Really, GM?

You thought this was a good idea?
1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon
the one car that makes a Citation look good
1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon
Please turn away, before I turn to stone
Here is the short list:
  • that face.  What is it, a Pontiac Phoenix (the Nova kind)?  A Chevy Malibu? When the difference between corporate siblings is the angle of the fiberglass or the random presence of a grille splitter, you're not really setting yourself apart.

  • "A pair of humpbacks."  "Humpback?  People?"  My Dad assumed that the amorphous profile and rear was the product of more extensive R&D than a traditional sedan.  Not hardly, Dad.  This profile worked on the X bodies because it was integrated with the rest of the car and not simply a "let's slope the ass for a couple of these" type of decision.

  • Taillights.  At least the Buick version tweaked both ends so it did not look like Frankenstein meets the parts bin

  • Trunk?  This profile screams hatchback.

  • Fixed rear windows?  Go fuck yourself.

  • Olds and Buick instead of Pontiac and Chevy?  What the fuck, GM?  You take a radical reshaping of your bread and butter profit center sedans and give the craziest changes to the most stodgy and conservative buyers and you expect to succeed?  Really.
Just say no to drugs.  I think that is the lesson here.

Bait shop?

[caption id="attachment_9518" align="alignnone" width="631" caption="or 'bate shop?"][/caption]

Why yes, they’re real

2011 Aston Martin Rapide
A Vantage? Vanquish? DB9?

2011 Aston Martin Rapide
Ass view: get used to it

2011 Aston Martin Rapide
"Rapide"? It must be English for "blow job now, Miss Moneypenny"

What to drive

to the McDonalds in South Haven? Merloid Copper's 1975 Plymouth Fury.

[caption id="attachment_9494" align="alignnone" width="640"] God, I could use 3 big Macs and a chocolate shake about now...[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_9495" align="alignnone" width="640"] I know it will go 99 mph with 8 people[/caption]

Monday, February 14, 2011

A couple of soldiers took it to get it washed sir.

[caption id="attachment_9370" align="alignnone" width="640"]GMC motorhome one heavily armed recreational vehicle, man![/caption]

EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle (Stripes) for sale in Mesa.  Ammunition is not included.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Curdled Milk

How to turn a chick magnet into a Kent Dorfman mobile. (Or, never let your girlfriend/wife/concubine choose your midlife crisis sports car).

[caption id="attachment_9336" align="alignnone" width="640"] Does Tom Cruise Know You That You Raid His Wardrobe?[/caption]

White?  Really? Now your voluptuous sports car curves make you look like a suppository. Chicks will climb over each other. To get the hell away.

[caption id="attachment_9337" align="alignnone" width="640"] Pierce Brosnan you're not[/caption]

"Urban Green"?  More like dog barf green, or split pea soup (which is worse in my book).

What the fuck were you people thinking?  Sports cars exist only to make women want to give you hand jobs.   Not to tell the world "I lack the balls to chose a color" or "I am a fucking moron, so I grabbed three crayons and this is the color they made together"  Turn in your man card.

Blur

As fast as a Scion. Woo hoo!

This is what a Corvette at 190 mph looks like, except faster.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The madness of King George

had to start somewhere.
Kodak X-15
My muse, my curse, my gateway drug ca. 1973

Scott Roseypalms hates you

because you never let him live shit down.

[caption id="attachment_8935" align="alignnone" width="640"]1974 Oldsmobile Cutlass Vices?[/caption]

Vices? Like "Dancing with Myself"?

Best Mustang II Ever

[caption id="attachment_8927" align="alignnone" width="640"]1979 Ford Pinto it won't blow up! Honest![/caption]

Wait. There was a Superbowl today?  Why the hell am I hunting Pintos behind bars?

Alternate Universe

[caption id="attachment_8908" align="alignnone" width="640"] Arm rests front and back. Woohoo![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_8911" align="alignnone" width="640"] strutting you tailfins is unwise[/caption]

One day you're going out to the gas station for a pack of smokes while your baby sleeps, the next day you're in a courtroom in Detroit, battling for your infinity.  But for due process of law, the future of fancy pants Cadillacs and river side high-rise apartments is replaced by rotting away for the next 50 in Jackson.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Name That Car

Kermit?
Best Gremlin Ever?


Clue no. 1 - Made on the planet Earth

Clue no. 2 - not by me, not in this yard

Friday, February 4, 2011

Best Cougar Ever?

[caption id="attachment_2452" align="alignnone" width="601"] You mean this one?[/caption]

No.

Better.

[caption id="attachment_8882" align="alignnone" width="640"] you got the color right[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_8891" align="alignleft" width="640"] I'm looking at the ___ in the mirror[/caption]