Saturday, January 30, 2010

"No, pardon ME, detective"

[caption id="attachment_4631" align="alignnone" width="249"] Watch that bumper, dumbass[/caption]

Porsche 944: what discerning police detectives choose when DUIing their ass into a rear-ender with you.
No, officer, we don't have to call it in, but the days of free coffee refills are OVER!!

Why Yes, They're Real

Chevrolet Corvette ZR1
Actually, my balls are oversized to drive this

Corvette ZR1, Singles bar troll on the outside, felonious exhibition of speed/fleeing and eluding on the inside.
Want.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Brenda Priddy Better Watch Out

2012 Ford Explorer test mule

[caption id="attachment_4554" align="alignnone" width="480" caption="No, it's NOT a Taurus X"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4555" align="alignnone" width="560" caption="The front end was grafted on from a Flex"][/caption]

The bright side of my long commute from Surprise was this Explorer mule out flood testing in Phoenix.

[Ed: based on the side creases, it might be a Lincoln, rather than a Ford, based on what's been shown on AutoblogHowever, their Lincoln story said a current Lincoln front end grafter onto an Explorer. This one had a current Flex front end grafted on.  It does appear that the raised rear (i.e., 3rd row or extended?) correlates to the indented crease as shown here.  YMMV ]

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Barrett Jackson 2010: If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy

you're a bigger idiot that we all thought.

[caption id="attachment_4536" align="alignnone" width="640"]1977 Oldsmobile Toronado Disco kills everything[/caption]

1977 Oldsmobile Toronado

P.S. Your leisure suit is on fire, Tony Manero

Monday, January 18, 2010

Why Yes, They're Real

Unfortunately.

2011 Porsche Panamera
Turd brown is no accident

Porsche suppository Panamera at Barrett Jackson 2010

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Why Car Dealers Are So Full of Shit, part 912

Camelback Ford says:
Camelback Ford Lincoln Mercury in Phoenix, AZ  treats the needs of each individual customer with paramount concern. We know that you have high expectations, and as a car dealer we enjoy the challenge of meeting and exceeding those standards each and every time. Allow us to demonstrate our commitment to excellence! Our experienced sales staff is eager to share its knowledge and enthusiasm with you.

Arizona Ford Dealers had a recent promotion for some swag if you came in for a test drive.  (No purchase necessary.)  Not being in the market for their products until the 2012 Ford Focus (or the Mustang GT 5.0) comes online, I just wanted the swag and not the pitch.
Me:  Hi, one of my Arizona Ford Dealers! I would like to take advantage of a promotion. 
Receptionist:  Let me get someone for you.
B.G., Sales Associate:  You need to take a test drive.

Me:  Let's not waste each others' time with that.  I'd like the offered swag, and to be on my way

BG:  OK, excuse me for just one minute

*goes out the front door, disappears*

Clock:  Watch me tick!

Paint:  Look at me!! I'm drying! Woo-Hoo.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Russo and Steele 2010: I've got a love-e-ly bunch of coconuts...

diddle dee doo

There they are all standing in a row

Black ones, gray ones, one with a $5,000 crack in its dash requiring a windshield removal to repair...

True story:  I'm at the dashboard place getting a cover for my dash.  This guy with a British accent speeds up in a Jaguar Series III XJ.  He's there to pick up a black dash cover for a Ferrari TR.  Why?  Because (the story goes) it has a crack in the dash at the base of the windshield.  The cover will make it pretty, and the new owner can give Ferrari the 5 large it will take to pull the windshield and fix it.

Or not, one supposes.
Oh, THAT?! Don Johnson saw it and knifed it during a coke binge after Miami Vice was cancelled, is what I'm told. I would repair it, but it really adds to the story of the car, don't you think?

Caveat emptor, you rich Ferrari buying bastards at Russo and Steele.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Logic...

is little tweeting bird chirping in meadow. Logic is wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad.

[caption id="attachment_4511" align="alignnone" width="441"]2008 Scion xB Nowhere am I so desperately needed as among a shipload of illogical humans.[/caption]

Why yes, they're real

i.e., no, it wasn't some bad dream you can't wake up from.  What the fuck were they thinking?  Pontiac Aztek: AWD outhouse.

[caption id="attachment_4506" align="alignnone" width="560"]Peyote was a bad choice "Puke" Green is not a coincidence[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4508" align="alignnone" width="560"]Pontiac Aztek even the ass looks like ... ass[/caption]

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Tony Zdeb Wants to Sell You This Car

Better than the '81 is not saying much
Better than the '81s isn't saying much.


Hey everybody, it's the new Jan Brady! 5-door Ford Escort.  It's the first new car I ever test drove*, all $5,500 and no AC and no power anything of it.  It's like Don Seelye Ford supplied the stripped cars on The Price Is Right!  It took me 5 lights worth of stalling at Winchell and Stadium before I gave up on the whole clutch/gas/1st gear business.  But for that bit of karmic humility, I might have been Earnhardt-ed into buying it, which would have kept me from quitting my shitty job @ Burger King.  The horror...
*on a public street.  Certain other conditions apply.

Meet the new boss...

Why yes they're real

Same as the old boss(es)
blue moon