Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Vaguely Exotic California Municipalities

[caption id="attachment_4433" align="alignnone" width="560"]oooo, how cosmopolitan!! oooo, how cosmopolitan!![/caption]

It's the ubiquitous GM A-body from the mid-70s.  WooHoo!.  Not only is this every Oldsmobile Cutlass, Pontiac LeMans, Buick Regal and Century you've ever seen, it is, down at your neighborhood Chevy Dealer, the Malibu, the El Camino, the Laguna and the Monte Carlo (yeah, not Cali, but the same climate).

Why love it, besides being old but intact?

It begat the 6000SUX ("It's back! Big is back, because bigger is better than ever! 6000 SUX: An American Tradition!"), which inspired the 1998 Packard ("Something with reclining leather seats, that goes really fast, and gets really shitty gas mileage").

Also, because of a close encounter in the BK Lounge on graduation night.  Then there's Annette (who no longer hates me, because she forgot she did)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Crosstown VW/Jag, Before They Completely Sucked

Jaguar- sleek and smart. For men who would like handjobs from beautiful women they hardly know!
Jaguar- sleek and smart. For men who would like handjobs from beautiful women they hardly know!
This is what happens when dudes in polyester leisure suits wrest design authority from the pipe smoking, tweeded twits with the leather patches on their elbows.  If you took every bad "I have a large penis and lots of money.  And I am athletic, see?" styling cliche of the 70s, couple it with the worst electronic systems ever, and a V12 that is impossible to tune, you get this:  a relatively OK, flabby and  pretentious country club car that WILL get you laid.  630CSi delusions;  Monte Carlo/Riviera/Tbird applications

I  remember my first time up close with a Jaguar XJ-S.  It was red and $22,000 in 1977 stagflation money.  I thought that the puny back seats must really be the most comfortable seats ever, for crazy money like that, because who would ever buy a car with seats that did not work? (I had forgotten what the leg room on an E-type coupe looks like.)

Sparkle Buggy Wash Classics, Take 2

[caption id="attachment_4426" align="alignnone" width="560"]1983 Oldsmobile 98 Regency Go for Baroque[/caption]

God, I loved these cars.  Everything that was so right, and so wrong about American cars and GM, all bottled up into one effete and ponderous whale for everyman.

  • The Seville (v. 1.0 and 3.0) "notchback" roofline

  • The half Cutlass Supreme/ half tailfin taillights

  • Bumpers that announce that your penis is made of steel.

  • The plump assed French hooker rear end of the car, from delicate wire wheel covers (sometimes actual wire wheels) and the real men wear fender skirts to the subtle wedginess.

Inside was velour or leather(like) loose pillow bench seating for 4 (the other 2 were not very welcome), AM/FM stereo with 4 speakers, power windows and locks, cruise control and a clock.  Woo, the lap of luxury.  Just don't try to turn, or pass, or parallel park, but man, do you look like a yuppie and a pimp all at once.

Give me one in the dark blue over dark blue, please.

Evil Lurks

[caption id="attachment_4422" align="alignnone" width="560"]Zinda, his face black, his eyes red Zinda, his face black, his eyes red[/caption]

Friday, November 20, 2009

Spied in Phoenix

[caption id="attachment_4417" align="alignnone" width="560"]The black blurry thing is some sort of Lamborghini The black blurry thing is some sort of Lamborghini[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4419" align="alignnone" width="560"]Or possibly a Ferrari.  It's so hard to tell, and this was BEFORE the bar. Or possibly a Ferrari. It's so hard to tell, and this was BEFORE the bar.[/caption]

Spied in Phoenix

Aston Martin DB7 Volante - 3rd St south of Palm Lane

[caption id="attachment_4998" align="alignnone" width="640"]Aston Martin DB7 Bond on holiday[/caption]

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Cop or not?

Car on the right. Decide now: cop or not.

[caption id="attachment_4384" align="alignnone" width="560"]there i9s no zoom function on the highway there is no zoom function on the highway[/caption]

You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history...

...and it shows.  Your rolling creamsicle ads come in lots of different flavors

Lamborghini Murcielago SEMA

Possibly the flavor is Sour Apple.


Black and topless like hookers named Apple.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Where's the eye bleach?

[caption id="attachment_4365" align="alignnone" width="560"]for an SRP of $12,000, you can wear your dumbass on the outside for an SRP of $12,000, you can wear your dumbass on the outside of your Corvette[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4366" align="alignnone" width="560"]Galpin Iacocca Mustang Galpin Iacocca Mustang - because making the ass look fatter works just as well as it does on chicas.[/caption]

Why Yes, They're Real

[caption id="attachment_4361" align="alignnone" width="437"]Terlingua Mustang I need to be faster on the draw[/caption]

Terlingua Mustang in Las Vegas

Diamonds ARE forever. Bond surfaces in Vegas

It seems so obvious.
  • An Aston Martin at the casino
Aston Martin @ Circus Circus
When was the last time|you visited a circus?

Admiral, there be whales here!

Or what million dollar stakes earns you in Vegas (besides hookers and blow):  land yachts to take you wherever you want to go.  And, of course, RIGHT BACK TO YOUR FAVORITE CASINO RIGHT HERE, SIR!!!

MGM:  Maybach 6.2
The world's best Hyundai

I have curtains, you common wench
Common rich dudes will kindly keep their distance
Meanwhile, farther down (up?) the Strip [Ed.: TWSS!]...

If we follow this hot babe, will she show us her blowhole?
Wynn 5? what are #s 1-4?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Zoom, zoom, zoom

[caption id="attachment_4323" align="alignnone" width="560" caption="simulated image"]2006 Ford Mustang speedometer[/caption]


[caption id="attachment_4325" align="alignnone" width="560" caption="closed course, professional driver"]2006 Ford Mustang speedometer[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4326" align="alignnone" width="326" caption="whoops - never let a homeless guy behind the wheel"]2006 Ford Mustang speedometer[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_4327" align="alignnone" width="560" caption="we'll get there before the bars close, I swear, Fredo"]Fredo Wang[/caption]

Fredo Wang, America's hearthrob