Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'll take Steaming Piles for $200

Some weeks in Phoenix make you want to gouge your eyes out with forks.  Today's villain:  the 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon.

1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon
It is alive (No, not Sgt. Hulka)
GM's answer to the age old question:  how much DO we hate our dealers?  The good news is that they only produced about 17 of them before switching to the tolerable, conventional-looking notchback sedan.  The corresponding bad news?  All of the survivors appear to be located in Tempe, fouling my commute.

The irony here?  I could not catch up to this turtle.*

*Thanks, Dept of Public Works, for the construction bottleneck.  On an open road, I could toast this guy in first gear with the parking brake on.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Parking Lot Treasures: 2009 Nissan GT-R

[caption id="attachment_3476" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Nissan GT-R Why yes, they're real[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3477" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Nissan GT-R Godzilla Must Feed[/caption]

2009 Nissan GT-R

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Q: When is it OK


  • to use the left turn lane as a travel lane?

  • to disregard your own turn signals?

  • or the speed limit signs?

  • or lane markings?

  • to California stop your way through a right turn on red?


[caption id="attachment_3466" align="alignnone" width="480"]BOGO day at Krispy Kreme?  Wait, that's the sheriff's hot button. BOGO day at Krispy Kreme?  Wait, that's the sheriff's hot button.[/caption]
A:  When you're this guy, evidently.

But hey, what do I know?

On the bright side, I did not see him pulling people over for pissy little BS like that either.  Nothing he did made my drive less safe.  No harm, no foul. If the officer exhibits the same sort of discretion to other drivers that  he allows himself, I got no problem. What a glorious world that would be.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

ACID FLASHBACK THURSDAY: Smack My Ass Edition


Whoa, it's like the 80s all over again


This is the Porsche 944, the best iteration of the crappy little 924 that came out in 1977.  In the 80s, these were the shit.  There was a maroon one driven by a regular at the 7-Eleven where I wasted part of my elongated sophomore year.  I saw it up close and personal one night.  I was out on my motorcycle, stopped at a stop sign, and the mofo REAR ENDED ME .

Not rear ended like in Tent City jail, or like "Blam, I'm drunk and you're dead."  Rear ended like "bonk.  Oh, I thought you moved.  Sorry."  In response, ever the polite and empathetic one, I said, "no worries, but you might want to dump out that beer... Detective."

So here's to you, Mr. 944 cop.  Thanks for reminding me that you did not make me dead, one summer night.

Cop or not?

[caption id="attachment_3426" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Ford Crown Victoria Not a tough one[/caption]

Let's see...

Crown Vic?  Check.

Funny antennae?  Check.

Ugly steel wheels?  Check.

Weird Plate?  Check.

A-pillar spotlights?  Check.

COP LIGHTS IN THE BACK WINDOW?!?!?!  Check.

Also:

CNG?  WTF?  WHO USES THAT EXC. GOVERNMENT FLEET VEHICLES?

Survey says Cop.  Jesus yes, it's a cop.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Parking Lot Treasures

[caption id="attachment_3413" align="alignnone" width="480"]Italian penis enlarger Italian penis enlarger[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3414" align="alignnone" width="480"]Ferrari F430 Lotus Exige One says I'd like a BJ, the other is a sports car[/caption]

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Welcome to Phoenix

[caption id="attachment_3404" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Viagra for the Sheriff Viagra for the Sheriff[/caption]

Pay no attention to frigging tanks on the highway.  It's just a homeland security exercise (or else the sheriff is planning to arrest more corn vendors).

Whistling past the graveyard...

[caption id="attachment_3397" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Maybe he's not looking at me after all Corvette guy:  Maybe he's not looking at me after all[/caption]

Naked Phoenix

[caption id="attachment_3387" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Bloods 4 Life Fuck Crips"]Bloods 4 Life Fuck Crips[/caption]

I guess a red [Ed. - like blood] bike is NOT such a bad idea after all.

[caption id="attachment_3390" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Tunnel of love - west side"]Tunnel of love - west side[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_3391" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Tunnel of love - East side (FTW!)"]Tunnel of love - East side (FTW!)[/caption]